A frustrating side effect of low self-esteem is the constant second-guessing. When you lack self-confidence, you spend a lot of time second-guessing everything.

Second-guessing is like a desperate game of tug of war. You summon your power, your little bit of belief and you speak. You say the thoughts in your head.

Or you do. You work, create, build, write – whatever it is you like to do, gets done. You are winning this game of tug of war because you did it. You did it!

But then…

We are judging, criticising and questioning our ability. Did we say the wrong thing? Could we have said it better? Did we do it right? Could we have done it better? Why do others make it look so easy?

As we are crippled by the doubt, we begin to lose this game of tug of war.

We’re trapped in this vicious cycle, this pity party where your unwanted guest – the negative inner critic – is outstaying their welcome.

This inner critic will always try to be the loudest, bossiest, most hostile voice. That bully will do everything in its power to keep you doubting and second-guessing everything you say or do. It will feed on that doubt and paralyse you.


Unless you tighten your grip, dig your heels in and take the power back. Choose to acknowledge your doubt but focus on the reality. Make note of how far you have already come. You’ve lugged this self-doubt around everywhere but look at what you have still accomplished.
Choose to believe you can achieve and win that tug of war.

You may always have to play the game of tug of war. You may always have moments where you second-guess your abilities. But hopefully, as time goes on, you become better at choosing which voice to listen to. Hopefully, each time will become less of a power struggle. You won’t have to spend so much time and energy trying to win that war.

Through small victories and boosts in your confidence, you will begin to see the only thing you need to second-guess is the voice of your inner critic.

After all, that voice is a pathological liar and cannot be trusted.


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Suzi Faed Author Avatar

Hello& welcome to my blog, What If Warrior

Here you will find my multi-topic blog, told from my humble point of view. I write from the heart; for me, self-expression comes easier through written words. If you would like to read more about my inspiration for this blog, click here.